A Grave Apology
by dariuscross
Summary: When Rick Castle visits the grave of Johanna Beckett two weeks after admitting to Beckett he'd looked into the case he bares his soul to her. Only it wasn't just Johanna who heard him. Will it be enough?
It had been two weeks since Castle had revealed his secret to Beckett, that he'd looked into her mother's case.

Two weeks since she followed through on her promise that they would be over.

He'd tried to explain, to apologize, but in the end the damage he had done was just too great.

So here he was talking to the groundskeeper at the cemetery.

He'd looked up her placement for Castle, then Castle noticed they'd mowed recently so asked for a bucket of water and some paper towels.

With everything in hand he made his way down the rows until he reached his destination, Johanna Beckett.

* * *

He stood in silence for a few minutes before finally crouching down, a bouquet of her favorite flowers in his hand he laid them at the base of the stone.

He doesn't even remember when Beckett mentioned it but he's glad he remembered.

He finally spoke "Good morning Mrs. Beckett. You don't know me, well not directly at least. I heard you liked my books... I'm Rick Castle. I am... was friends with your daughter until recently when I screwed up. I was honored to hear a few stories about you, about your mission, your love of your family. In just the handfull of stories Kate told me I've grown to admire you in no small way. Here let me start getting the grass and dirt off your stone here while I talk"

He dips a paper towel into the water and starts to quietly clean, not talking for the worst of the cleaning.

* * *

Unbeknownst to him, Beckett had walked up to about ten feet behind him before he started talking.

She was about to go off on him, and then he started talking and she decided to just stay back and hear him out.

Once the worst was off the stone he got a new towel and started the finer cleaning

"you raised an extraordinary daughter Mrs. Beckett, truly. The pain of losing you, it caused a huge tear in her soul. But you already know that, she's your daughter. You probably saw it before she could identify it"

He smiled a little bit

"a mother always does. But what makes her extraordinary, or at least one thing that does, is she's taken the pain of losing you and has turned it into a strength, a drive if you will. She may not have followed in your footsteps to becoming a lawyer, but she does reap justice. She takes the injustice of what happened to you and uses it to push her to her limits to make sure no family has to suffer as she has, to not have the answers they need like she does. It's remarkable to see and an honor to be a part of. But like I said, I screwed that up"

* * *

He gives her stone one last wipe leaving it as clean as it was the day it was erected

"When she told me what happened to you, how inept the officers were that investigated your case, for a brief moment I saw the tear in her soul and I wanted so badly to help heal it. I thought... maybe fresh eyes would help and God help me I got someone to slip me your file and I started looking into it. It didn't even occur to me at first to ask her and by the time that it did... I'd already sent your autopsy results to a forensic pathologist, the best in the country. When I did ask, she said if I touched your case she and I would be over. I half hoped Dr. Murray wouldn't find anything, but when he did I knew I couldn't keep it from her. So after an internal struggle to beat all I told her. The betrayal in her eyes Mrs. Beckett... I never wanted to put such hurt in her eyes... on her soul. But I did and in doing so I disrespected you and your memory. I am so sorry I hurt her Mrs. Beckett and that I disrespected you so horribly. I swear it was never my intention, but as they say... the road to Hell is paved with good intentions right? I just... wanted to tell you how wonderful your daughter is and apologize. I'm sure if she found out I was here I'd hear another round of how self centered, egotistical and several other adjectives I am, but it was worth the risk to talk to you. She'll probably visit soon given everything I did... I best get going, I hope you enjoy the flowers. Kate mentioned once how much you liked lilies, especially the purple ones. Take care of yourself"

With that he gathered up the garbage and the bucket then stood up, he didn't bother wiping the tears from his cheeks or try to stop the fresh ones from escaping down the tracks their predecessors left.

He sniffled a little then turned to go, he stopped frozen in place seeing Beckett standing there.

Unfortunately he couldn't read her face.

* * *

Beckett stood there in shocked silence as he told her mother what kind of person she is then in turn what kind of ass he is.

She listened as he apologized for hurting her and disrespecting her mother, all the while cleaning her headstone with the utmost care.

She looked up with her brows meeting at his fear of being caught by her, the expression was still there when he stood and saw her.

She watched as he looked down like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

She took a deep breath and closed that ten foot gap between them.

Castle cleared his throat a bit

"how... how long have you been standing there?"

Beckett combed her fingers through her hair, trying not to look at his tear stained face

"my guess is I got here just after you did"

he nodded and looked at his hands

"so... you heard everything then"

she nodded and looked down at the ground

"I'm sorry if I overstepped coming here I just..."

She pressed her fingers to his lips to stop him

"I understand Castle, I heard"

he studied her eyes for a long moment

"why do I get the feeling that has multiple meanings?"

He set the bucket and stuff down then hesitantly took her hand in his.

Beckett was quiet for a long minute, not pulling her hand from his as she struggled with her thoughts.

"Because it does... when you told me what you did Castle, it hit me hard. But from what I heard today you left a few things out. I'm not saying that if you had explained it all that it wouldn't have hurt, it just wouldn't have been as bad."

Castle nodded slowly

"I'm so sorry Kate, I am. I wanted to date you, not hurt you. I wish... I wish the words I'm sorry could just wash away that hurt but I know it can't. I just hope... that someday you can forgive me"

* * *

Beckett looked up, her eyes confused

"you were serious about that?"

He glanced at Johanna's grave then back to Beckett

"This is no place to be telling lies so yeah Kate. I may have suggested a debriefing, but I never wanted it to be just one time. I don't know what it is about you precisely, but from that first interview you had me hooked and I was more than happy to wait on the line for you to reel me in. I know what my persona suggests, I do. But the truth of the matter is everything you read on page six is nothing but lies. Sure I attended whatever with those women, but as soon as the cameras were gone they'd walk off and I'd never see them again. A few drinks at the bar, then out the back door and back to my daughter unless mingling was required. Then I'd mingle, get a few drinks and leave. When I was younger I was closer to page six, but that was college before I'd ever published a book. I haven't been like that in years, but Black Pawn thinks it sells more books"

he shrugged a little then looked down at their joined hands.

Beckett studied his eyes while he talked, seeing the raw truth in them.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes

"okay, we'll give it a try"

he looked up with the most shocked expression one could imagine making her laugh

"Rick I've heard more sincerity from you today than I've heard from my last five boyfriends combined including Will. If you can keep giving me that honesty, and at least try to keep me off page six, then I'm willing to try"

He smiles at that, then glances at the headstone

"excuse us Mrs. Beckett"

he moves so his body is between Beckett and the stone so Johanna can't "see" them, then leans down and presses his lips to hers in a tender kiss.

She's shocked a moment then moves her free hand up into the hair on the back of his head and returns the kiss.

They keep in sweet and without tongue given where they are, but the feeling is still there.

* * *

When the kiss ends he tells her he'll wait by her cruiser then gives her time to talk to her Mom.

He drops off the supplies with the groundskeeper then does just that.

He's sitting on the hood when she walks down the hill, he opens his arms when she approaches and to his surprise she walks right into them and rests her head on his chest, her arms around him.

He presses his cheek to the top of her head as his arms wrap around her, waiting her out.

After five or so minutes she starts to talk "even with the good that happened just before, it never gets any easier. I come here, I talk to her, but she's still gone and nothing I do will ever change that"

He softly kisses the top of her head and thinks a moment

"The way I see it Kate, she'll never truly be gone, not completely. She lives on in you and your father's hearts, the memories you share of the good times you had with her. You yourself are half made of her and you carry so many of the same physical features as her, you share her drive for justice, her desire to do what's right and find the truth. She may not be here physically Kate, but in the ways that matter most she still is"

Beckett looks up at him while he talks, fresh tears wetting her cheeks as she listens to him talk about the ways her mother lives on and in the end she smiles a little

"Thank you Rick" then she leans in and kisses his lips softly.

He doesn't need to be told why, he already knows.

He returns that sweet kiss and smiles

"always Kate"

he rests his forehead against hers and they stay that way for several minutes before Beckett takes a deep breath and wipes her cheeks

"Lets get out of here"

Castle smiles "lead on my lady" She swats him in the chest with a laugh then they both climb into her cruiser and drive off into the start of something extraordinary.


End file.
